I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
