Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
