Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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