just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize