he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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