I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
