i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
