i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize