and you said cock pushups were impossible
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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