so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
