I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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