possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
