Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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