I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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