I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
