I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
