I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
