I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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