getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
