can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize