i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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