State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
