I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
