Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
