My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
