We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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