After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
