we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
