Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
