I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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