Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
