when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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