it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Say something about gay babies.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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