I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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