I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
