is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
