perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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