at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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