This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
