Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
