with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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