so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
