Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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