im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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