yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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