We got so high we made milksteak
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They took my balls.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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