Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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