The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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