I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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