I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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