Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you will always have a special place in my vag
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
