ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
