I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
