you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
