I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
