Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
