Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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