Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
