I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
