As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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