mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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