Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
