I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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