That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
