Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
