do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
