I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
