He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We're too hungover to prance.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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