there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
