Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize