she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
