you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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