Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
