im having a threesome with these popsicles
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
