Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
