I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
